True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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