Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
