i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
