Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
if i can run in heels then i can drive
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize