nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
