Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
