If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
