Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
