I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
