Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
