after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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