During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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