Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
