Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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