Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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