Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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