party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
do herpes really smell.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
