Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
