if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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