She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
