Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
