gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
