So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
