just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
