this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
