one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
