Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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