I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
