i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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