he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
