I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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