even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
