Don't you send me to vm
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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