when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
