somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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