im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
