It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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