So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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