he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
