Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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