who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
