apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
