she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
