she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
