Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
