I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
