hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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