The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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