he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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