I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
