this boner is exhausting
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
