spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
