If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
