if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
