looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
They have beer where we have blood.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
