i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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