Porn is love you can see.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
