Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
