you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
