If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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