yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
