My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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