How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
