That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
