Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
