I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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