So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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