Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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