i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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