I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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