if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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