i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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