Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
