they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
