I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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