remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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