Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He is an equal opportunity slut.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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