so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
