Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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