fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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