You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
