So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
