She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
