I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
