theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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