I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
