I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
