before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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