Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My feet surprised me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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