Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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