So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize