I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
