this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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