i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
