I've blown a few things in my day
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
