while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
