i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
