I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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