Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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