is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize