meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
