Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
