I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Oh god it's open bar.
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
