last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
