He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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