i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
