I am midnight drunk by noon
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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