...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
