Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
my liver is dry heaving
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
