Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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