Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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