Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
