I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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